When agency does not work out

As the school year comes to a close, I've been doing a lot of thinking about those times when agency just doesn't work out the way we hope.

This has been weighing on my mind as I look back on everything I navigated this year: moving home after living in Europe, readjusting to American culture, and stepping into a brand new teaching position in January. On top of all of that, I inherited three new curricula at once, which, honestly, was a lot. When you're still figuring things out yourself, it's incredibly hard to create the kind of space where student agency can truly flourish.

Once again, I was reminded that agency does not look like Instagram.

I genuinely admire those teachers whose classrooms are spotless at the end of the day, every display perfectly aligned, not a hair out of place. Meanwhile, my classroom is "tidy at best," and I've got gray hairs coming in faster than my box dye can keep up with. If you know, you know.

Those Instagram classrooms where kids are working beautifully in small groups, no conflict, no chaos, pure collaboration? I've started reminding myself that Canva has stock images and videos, and honestly, that helps me breathe a little easier.

The truth is, we are all working toward giving our learners more freedom, and sometimes it just doesn't happen. One thing I keep coming back to is this: if a teacher doesn't have agency, the learners won't have agency either. That feels really important to sit with.

So I'm trying to be kinder to myself as I reflect on this second half of the year. I did my best. My students knew I cared about them. Sometimes, that really does have to be enough, at least until summer vacation gives us the space to breathe, reset, and dream up what's possible for next year.
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Is anyone else feeling this way?